Revision Plan, Paper 1
- I had some concerns about making my claim clear in the beginning of my essay since I usually have some trouble with that. I also had some concerns about getting too opinionated. I have trouble with both of these things and it has previously been pointed out to me so I wanted to make sure that I fixed those things when writing the first draft of my essay.
- One thing that my peers liked about my paper is the way I state my views and ideas about both Lukianoff/Haidt and Dweck. “I really enjoyed reading your ideas on the sensitive subjects in the Lukianoff and Haidt paragraph.” (MacKay). This is a comment that Payton MacKay left on my essay, along with a couple others similar to this. What Payton is referring to in this quote is the way that I address some of the ideas that Lukianoff/Haidt present in their reading, like ways to treat students in a classroom, how we should challenge students in the classroom, and training students to think to think in different styles that could damage them later on in life.
- I am working best with Dweck with the fixed and growth mindsets, I can agree that most students can fall under these two categories when it comes to challenges in school. In this section my peers think I can improve on getting more of my opinion into the parts of my essay where I talk about this. A quote from Payton says, “What are your thoughts on this? Make your point clear from the beginning.” (MacKay). I talked a lot about Dweck’s views on these mindsets and how she believes students should be learning but I didn’t give much of my opinion at all.
- I am working best with Lukianoff/Haidt when it comes to their opinions on how students should be treated in a classroom and how they should be thinking. Although I don’t a agree with everything that Lukianoff/Haidt talk about in the reading, like about trigger warnings and students sensitivity, I do agree with the fact that they believe students can be independent and get good work done on their own. In this section my peers think I should state that I don’t agree with everything Lukianoff/Haidt say and give more of my opinion on what parts I agree with and what parts I disagree with.
- According to my peers, my two biggest challenges in my work are fitting my opinion into my writing and not expanding enough on my ideas. In my revision I think I can address these challenges by putting more of my opinion into my writing when needed, rather than just focusing on the authors views, I can give some of my own. I can address expanding on my ideas by writing an idea or an opinion and really going in depth on it. Rather than just stating an opinion or idea I can elaborate more and let the reader know why I’m thinking this way and where I’m coming from. For example, when I talk about the “Yet” and “Not Yet” grades coming from Dweck I need to expand more on the idea and on my opinion about it. Right now in my essay all I really did was put the idea out there but I didn’t expand much on it or tell my opinion on it.
- Although I don’t agree with everything they say, I think the opinions of Lukianoff/Haidt make good points about how to treat students in the classroom, let students be independent and problem solve on their own. Unlike Dweck who thinks students should be praised for any little bit of effort that they put in. – I will help my reader get my perspective by elaborating more on what I think about Lukianoff/Haidt and what I don’t agree with so much. This will also help show that even though I lean more towards Lukianoff/Haidt side, I don’t agree with everything they say and I can also still appreciate some of the points that Dweck has made.
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